Holidays

Hope everyone is doing OK these days.  Seems most people are on holidays 🙂  I give thoughts to those who aren’t as the year comes to an end many still have to work to provide for their families and pay for life’s existence. Holiday time gainfully employs many, just take the time and think. All that extra shopping and that trip to wherever you go, It is providing employment. Yes I know it sounds weird, but not all can afford holidays. I am currently working, but I do get the public holidays off. I dream that one day I will be in a position to have a break.  Hey, maybe next year.  Not that far away now. A whole new decade will be upon us.  I am not even daring to think what is install.  No new years resolutions, as in one form or another it will only inspire disappointment.

On a good note Christmas was awesome!  Had a great time with the company of both my sons for half a day and a night.  Far more than I could have hoped for.  Mind you two days after Christmas something weird happened to Son2, his arm swelled up for no apparent reason but doctors weren’t alarmed, just an infection and put a cannula in his other arm and gave him doses of antibiotics intravenously every 12 hours.  Shame that he wasn’t allowed to work though as he only get 16 hours a week and his biggest shift is 6 hours and they sent him home as they wouldn’t let him work. He was very disappointed as it was bandaged safely and he could still work as he feels ok, just a swollen arm. His employers really don’t know, but to him that is nothing in his life as to what goes on internally.  Just that they could physically see something as he had a bandage on. It was a blow to his self-confidence and his pocket. He asked the doctor about it last night and the doctor took it out and now he is just on tablets, but if it starts to swell again to come back as heavy antibiotics might be required to fix the problem.  Having no autoimmune system plays havoc with this sort of problem.

Just a Tuesday

Ha, could have made $50 on a bet last night, but didn’t have the $50 to put up. sigh.  Shock, horror lol  Son2 stayed home last night 🙂  Probably got some well earned rest. Wonder if he will make it two nights in a row?  I know he won’t tomorrow night as he is working an evening shift, so expect a late night text.  That tomorrow, I will deal with that one then.

Today so far has been a not-too-bad day.  Sorta negative huh?  Okay rephrase, it’s been a GREAT day!! 🙂  Work for me, and will be again when I get home.  How do places get so messy when you aren’t home much?  Must be the other critters that live there.  I am all fired up to attack it when I get there.  Hope I don’t run out of steam in the next hour or so, otherwise it could still be there tomorrow.

We actually had about 5mm of rain this morning.  It is so dry we need metres of it to make a difference.  The grass crackles underfoot and the lack of colour is depressing. A bit stormy looking so you never know, maybe there will be more in it.  Looking at the weather radar, nothing much to report as looks like just cloudcover and no rain.  Gotta be the forever optimist though, each day it doesn’t rain is a day closer to rain.

Changing the subject:  Ever read a book called “Who moved my cheese” by Spencer Johnson?  Definately worth a read in this day and age.  Tis only a short one and is available on PDF to download and read.  Just Google and you’ll find it 🙂  It’s about preparing for change and related organizational skills, written 1998, but even more usefull in this day and age.

Weekend? Most people love ’em

I am actually glad the weekend is over.  I know it’s a me problem again, but it is hard for anyone to imagine the self torture I go through.  Son2 has already hit the town before I get home.  Goodness knows where and what he will get up to.  I lay awake at night waiting for that phone text.  Mum, can you come and get me?  Paranoid huh?  Most times it dosen’t come and I wake from fitfull sleep only to drag myself around all day until I hear from him.

Last weekend was no different, Friday night well got the text at 7am.  Went to town and got him and he came home to bed. He woke about 8pm next thing off again, a friend came by and picked him up.  I don’t mind him going out, but all nighters is a worry as I have no idea where he will end up.  This is the point I know I have to let go.  It’s hard. Again no sleep all night but Sunday morning extremely happy to hear from him.  Went into town and picked him and three others up and dropped them home as well.  I wonder where their parent’s are?  Or am I the only idiot mother to do this?  I would rather see them home safe than, well the mind boggles with the consequences.

A couple of hours sleep and a shower and off again, swimming, BBQing and you guessed it.  He didn’t come home on Sunday night.  Worried sick I was. I text him and he replied he was OK so I went to work.  A few hours later another text, you can pick me up whenever your ready.  He was at a pub. sigh.  Of course I dropped what I was doing at work and collected him dropping him home.  He had work that night.

Yeah well that was last night he finished his shift at 9pm and I didn’t hear from him until I made contact.  Yeah I know I should just leave him, but he does not think.  He had another shift in the morning at 9am.  Well all worked out OK as he spend the night in town, not with exactly the right person, but he was OK.  I should be grateful for that at least.  Picked him up after his work and took him home.  I hope he stays home tonight and gets some sleep.

My disappearing year…… cont

From my son’s total non-compliance regarding his medical issues to him actually getting ill again is frightening for me. He is an adult and I can’t live his life for him.  It is just a shame to see him do this to himself.  But his reckoning is that he is here for a short time, so he lives life for today.  Hates hospitals and the system.  Even though when he gets sick he comes to me for help.  That is the hard part, I just can’t ask doctors to see him again when he has repeatedly self discharged himself from their care against there will.  Not to mention the financial cost I have been accumulating due to this erratic behavior.  Nobody understands him as a package, I realize it is hard to comprehend, but I often put myself in his shoes and try to see life as he sees it.  Life as we know it is beyond him really.  He is a kid who never really got to be a kid, sick from 13 and totally frustrated with the world.  Close to death so many times, but defeated the odds, now is expected to conform to normality.  Normality ha! Who measures what is normal, or what????  Ok, here’s the sceniaro, now 19 years old, desperately wants to work. No experience, too old for unskilled labour.  Employers expect them to be at work every day, not asking for time off a few times a month to jump to various specialist demands of his presence in Brisbane, which is 600 klm away!  Money, he has very little, actually non-existent.  He now lives with a relative who has offered to put a roof over his head and feed him for some small help around the place and company for return.  He has no transport or license now due to his own short sightedness, plus huge fines to pay with his meager  funds.  Medical expenses as in scripts etc well he doesn’t bother as says a waste of money as he rarely takes them anyway due to their bad side affects.  See what I mean how it is frustrating.  I cannot make him see any sense.  Now saying that, to take the meds and be pushed, pulled and prodded by numerous specialists, is it really the answer?  In his mind, no.  He feels well, so goes with the flow and tries to live a normal life like others his own age.  Frustrating for him as they are starting to  have things due to fulltime work and earning big money.  But to give him credit, he is having a go.  Done some bad things in the past and he will pay his debt to society for that, maybe he will learn from the experience, but he doesn’t want to lay down and give up.  Each day he wakes and the sun is up is a bonus. In his eyes his disease will come back again, it has twice already but he knows it will kill him.  So in the meantime he lives life in the fast lane.  Now whether that is right or wrong, it is his choice.  I must let go and let him live his life.  I gave him the gift of life, ok he didn’t get the best stack of cards, but through no rhyme or reason this is his life’s lot.  It’s tough being a mother on the sideline, but just recently a friend opened my eyes to the fact that I should step back and let him be in control.  So I have.  I still often cry myself to sleep, but possibly more selfpity than for him, as he seems to be actually having some enjoying times.

A whole year has disappeared!!

Sure been awhile since I have been here.  Life got complicated.  So much has happened in the meantime. But life goes on. Last Christmas was the happiest day for my family in quite a few years.  We had our elderly extended family member staying with us.  Oh, I moved back into the family home on Christmas eve bringing him with me.  Sort of trying to sort my own life out and leaving my son in the unit to live life as an adult.  We were all there for Christmas day and my sons put their sticks down (they constantly bicker) and we had a relaxing day.  Not quite all the trimming associated with Christmas dinner as other have, but we did splurge a little and had some prawns and beers. That day will remain in my memory forever.  Seeing excitement and hearing laughter, the simple things in life.

After that the new year just seemed to scream along, with one bad thing happening after another. My sons despression hit an all time low, I was tearing my hair out what to do.  He was threatening physical harm to himself and others plus demolishing the place.  I look back at it now and still think there was very little else I could do in the situation.  On advice from a welfare worker friend I called the police.  They came and took him to the hospital where he should have been assess mentally.  However he was released within an hour to walk the streets.  I questioned the doctor involved and he said he asked if he was going to hurt himself or anyone else and he answered “no”, so he had no reason to do any more.  I can see from the doctors point of view, I suppose, but they don’t know anything about him, no medical files were even retreived from records.  Of course my son is a master of telling the medical people what they want to hear.  Has had plenty of practise. Now having a son in a low depressive state on the loose, well sent my already elevated stress levels through the roof.  I looked everywhere and rang people to find him.  He was missing for over a week, then turned up at his place one night and was sound asleep in bed when his girlfriend came home from work.  She then rang me to let me know he was there.  He was dirty but seemingly in ok condition, so we left him sleep.  Still not sure to this day where he went or what he did, but I was just so relieved he was back.

Living life daily is draining. Sometimes I do wonder if it is all worth it.  My best friend, soul-mate and support who was staying with us became quite ill.  I never really contemplated, even though aging, 78 years old, could passaway on me until it was evident that it would happen.  That certainly ripped apart the world I had built for myself.  Finding being all alone trying to come to grips with everything that had made my world crash in. To me his death was sudden, but now I have had time to reflect, well, it wasn’t.  Just too blind to see. In my mind he would live forever and always be there for me.  I was so selfish to ever have thought that way.  But I did. Everyday I still pang for his company, his wisdom.  His auroa I suppose is the word I am looking for.  Crazy I know, but I still talk to him in my mind, asking advice knowing I won’t get an answer, but maybe, just maybe I will be guided in my decisions by taking the time to do ask.  Yeah, sometimes I think I am nuts.  Sanity is beginning to settle even if I use insane ideas to bring the sanity.  Talk about talking in circles. ~ more to come lol

Disappearing weekend

Here it is Sunday evening, and I am exhausted.  Strangely enough I had a good time.  Saturday night I ended up in a small rural community with a big fundraiser event.  Country hospitality at it’s best.  It was good to see it still exists actually.  With the so called progressive society today, this community still possesses the old fashioned bush traits is is renown for.  So relaxed.  A band had been bought it, not sure of their name, but they were a tribute band playing Eagles music.  They were very good actually, even though I am not a big Eagles fan, never have been.  But by the amount of people there, the atmosphere and setting was ideal.  Who watches the clock in the country, we were in bed before the sun comes came up!  I was up not that long after though, as we had to head back to town for a car club breakup BBQ at the local marina.  Diversity, I am thinking that I am lucky to be able to have the best of town and country, but of course it does have it’s drawbacks.

Getting back to the unit at dinner time, and of course I didn’t need dinner after grazing all day, I have had a shower and decided to post my excursions.  My son is OK, I think by the evidence in our garbage bin, empty pizza boxes and alcohol bottles, he may have had some friends over.  He says he will drive me to work tomorrow, so I am off to bed, before I fall to sleep typing this.

Quick post

Been an interesting day, but I am heading bush later this afternoon.  Seems I have an interesting time in front of me.  A huge weekend.  I have agreed to go to a fund raising event tonight and a breakup BBQ back in town tomorrow.  Should be interesting.

Up ‘n at ’em

Yet another day in paradise.  Who ever coined the phrase – “Thank God it’s Friday”?  Just another day for me, but all it really means is that I won’t be woken up by the alarm song of “Ain’t no stopping us now”, that I have set on my phone.  Gets me going each morning.

I actually got a call from my phone service provider today.  It was a bubbly ladies voice telling me my contract is up on my phone, so they want me to lock-in again. YEAH RIGHT!!  I have been waiting for 20 months for this to expire.  Two years ago they gave me a new to get me off CDMA network which they have now shutdown – replaced by the “G” network.  They said it was better for us rural people – here I go again – YEAH RIGHT!!  Many dead spots as I don’t live in the big smoke!  Anyway, the phone they “gave” me came with a 2 year contract, $20 per month, but $25 worth of free calls.  But after three months the phone kept shutting itself down.  No apparent reason.  I would charge it, then bang, turn off again. So I rang them as was told I should take it to one of their stores.  Did that, no avail.  Even both stores in my area, they wanted to charge me $50 to have it sent away and looked at to see if it was repairable.  What the heck!  It should have been under warranty.  It was also their company branded phone.

Telstra. I nearly succumbed to paying the money, but when told it would be between 2 to 4 weeks depending if it could be fixed and the quote received and approved of course.  Again.. what!!  But what was I supposed to use for that time?  They offered no replacement phone!!  I know for a fact that both the other companies do, Vodafone and Optus, as at different times my sons phones have been sent away to be repaired. (They are rough on phones) So back then I decided to give them the flick when my time ran out. I have been using an old phone from work, they get new ones every two years and we have a draw full of bits and pieces.. Nokia 4 years old, pretty good. So roll on 2nd December and I am off to Optus.

Car parts saga: getting to be that way. I got a call from my son that the part had arrived. Hallelujah..and could I pick it up on my way home from work.  So I did just that. Actually finished work early so it would give him time to go out and fit it.  Wishful thinking.  I went in and first thing was the price.  He had been quoted $26, he had showed me their card with the part no and the price on it.  They wanted $86.  They did check and said no, it was $86 and I didn’t have the money on me, so I had to use my credit card begrudgingly, hopeful that my son did actually have the money to pay me back.  It look different to the one sitting at home on the bench, but they assured me it was the right one, as he had taken the old part in when he ordered it.  So off I went and got the part to him, he immediately drove out to fit it. His car is out at his father’s property, but the dreaded phone call.  It was the wrong part.  So he came back in and picked me up and we took it back.  By this time it was 20 minutes before closing time on a Friday afternoon.  After much discussion and checking the broken part, that we again took with us, they also decided that it was the wrong part and offered a refund which immediately I took.  So straight over the road to Toyota dealers, they ordered the part and we had to pay in advance for it. $54.  They guaranteed it would be there on Wednesday morning to be collected.  I certainly hope so, this has been going on for weeks now.  How hard can it be.  To think that I was even doubting my son that he had ordered the part in the first place.

After all that, I headed out to my husband place for the night.  Hopefully it will be relaxing.

Do I or Don’t I???

How could I forget to put fuel in the car, beeping and lights flashing as soon as I turned on the key.  Price had dropped to $1.29 per litre.  I was surprised, but I managed a bit more for my money. lol  buying power!!

Work was boring, not much to do, probably the calm before the storm.  Middle of the month though, and all systems working well, for how long, well who knows?

DEN ??  I get the impression he didn’t go to his appointment.  Not in the best mood, I really don’t think he is feeling well.  Maybe really tired, but I hear him up extremely early in the mornings.  Maybe he isn’t even going to bed.  I don’t know, and I am not game to ask.  What I will say thought is “what on earth am I going to do with him?”  I wish DEN would contact me so we can try and work out a solution to this.  The tick off sheet system is NOT working!!!  Helloooooo anyone listening?  of course not you twit, you are talking to yourself.  Don’t make waves, someone might be woken up and actually have to do something!!  Ah what the heck, it is only me that cares.  I am no head shrink, just a lowly mother who can see a human being being eaten from the inside out.  Suffering in silence.

I read a newspaper today, yes shock to the system.  I don’t usually, but there were a few things in there that really fire me up.  I have been toying with the idea of adding another category to my blog – to voice my opinion on society traits, and how we just sit back and be bullied by society. Society either being Governments or even the Loud Minority.  If I get fired up enough, I just might do it!!

Gripe for the day

Car again!!  I get the impression from my son that he is losing belief that the part when it turns up won’t get his car going anyway.  He desperately needs a better car.  He wants a job, but he doesn’t actively look for one.  He is expecting DEN to open the door for him.  He has an appointment with them tomorrow.  Says he will walk down as it is only a few blocks away.  He needs the exercise, so fingers crossed they might have some positive news.  But, I seriously doubt it.  In my mind, they see him and tick him off the list that he fronted. Proceed to make another appointment, send him on his way, and get his file out on the day of his next appointment.  I don’t know for sure, but I certainly don’t see any productivity on their side either.  He really does want to work, but needs a hand to open the door for him.  He would love to be part of something, and the longer this BS goes on, the harder it will be for him. :bashes head on wall:

He has gone out this evening to play poker.  He sometimes plays a couple of nights a week, but his girlfriend is not working tonight so they went together, they walked. No doubt I will get a call later to come and pick them up.  The CBD is not the best place to be walking around at night.  Many times they have been pulled up by police asking what they are doing?  This day and age has the younger folk on the defense, as the police seem to harass more than protect these days.  They try to keep out of those circumstances.

The city has no public transport as in buses or trains.  Only a taxi service.  Well if you can call it a taxi service.  It really is a joke.  Last Saturday night my husband and I went on a harbour cruise, we returned back to the Ferry Terminal at about 11pm.  I rang for a cab on docking.  I was unable even to get through, engaged, then after getting a tone as if the phone was ringing, seemed to divert then drop out.  I made about 10 calls over a period of 40 minutes.  We weren’t the only ones. There was about 30 others waiting as well.  They also couldn’t get through.  One had prebooked, and we decided to start walking.  We walked along the main and only road to the Ferry Terminal, not seeing one car, taxi, nothing the whole way.  So I don’t know what happened with those still waiting behind.  Took us 45 minutes to walk home, which was pretty good considering we had consumed a couple of drinks!  But not a taxi in site.  Nearing home a police car slowed down and checked us out.  Other than that no cabs.  It was a Saturday night for goodness sake.  But that is typical of this town, I guess.

Well that is my gripe for the day.  I did consider giving my friend a call earlier and see if she wanted to go for a coffee, but after checking I only have a couple of dollars already earmarked for petrol.  @##@ forgot to put the fuel in the car.